I Saw a Past Lover
I see the paper before me
I cannot read it
It haunts me as it lies
"I should" is what I hear
"Why"? is what I cry
Comfort I do need
Tonight's state is depression
Tonight is becoming the norm
And I fight But I am weak
For the fight means to hold To hold and not go deeper
Which I do not
But nor do I get better
And it is suppose to create
Create something
I feel lazy
I feel depressed about being lazy
I feel insecure
I feel depressed about my insecurities
I have no money
No money because I was foolish
I have a boyfriend
I love my boyfriend
My boyfriend loves me
But I feel like a burden
He does not make me feel like a burden
I do it to myself
I saw a past lover at the bar tonight
He wanted me
He wanted me because I was there
It was not me he wanted
He was lonely
Anyone would have sufficed But maybe that is not true
Maybe he is in love
In love with the idea of me
Today I find I understand him
I understand why he runs
Part of me feels like running
Running from my lover
Not due to lack of love
Due to it being so hard
So hard to change
And I need to change
I am depressed
If I change I won't be depressed I hope
I pray